I realize that it has been far too long since I've been on here. that has many reasons why. 1. i work too damn much, 2. my computer was on the brinks, and 3. I've been on multiple vacations. yeah, I know. I've got a tough life ^_^.
anyway, I've been following a friend on here and she is starting a weight loss/healthy living blog and I've decided that i am going to follow her. I could always use the extra oomph to get up and go and i think this is the push i need. we both need to loose around 100 pounds, so that's also a plus to me. so, here goes nothing!!
my life has been crazy as ever. I've just gotten back from Knoxville Tennessee and Madison Wisconsin. I went to both of them to check out the campuses. Oh my lanta! Madison is such a beautiful campus. Tennessee was as well, but i did not have the warm welcome as i did in Madison. those in Tennessee must have heard my northern accent and got away from me. apparently i had something that was contagious...
the campus here in Marshall has been pushing me around lately. i guess i may not get funding this semester, which would majorly suck. if that is going to happen, i may apply for a big kids job. there is a wetland specialist job open in the Marshall office and the minimum requirements are that you have a bachelors degree. my boss told me that i was qualified enough to apply if i wanted to. no tuition = new job??? maybe. i really hope not because i don't want to use my 6 months of leeway for my loans yet...argh
that's about all I've got for now
~Amanda
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
...
I've always been the type to never really say what I want and I feel that it has caught up to me. It's just some personal bullshit, but it still hurts. I don't even know what its about, but I just know that it has nothing to do with me. Therein lies where it hurts. I knew it was nothing, but secretly I hoped that it was something more. why was I kidding my self. Have you met me yet, of course not. I won't let you see me. It's just how I act. My trust issues are so horrible that its hard for me to trust anyone these days.
I guess this is just a broken-hearted vent...
I guess this is just a broken-hearted vent...
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Wisconsin-day 2
Quote of the night last night. "I'm a little harder than most women, so I can take it a little harder." This was my response to my drink of choice after I decided not to drink any more beer; Jack Daniels. It is my favorite. Anyway, last night. Wow. Amazing. We had one hell of a good time, so good in fact, that Sam's brother Jay decided to call in sick to work since he couldn't get up this morning to make the drive back to Rochester. We were a little hard on him, but we still love the guy. We have concluded that the guys can't handle their alcohol like the women can. us gals didn't have any problems this morning, besides the fact that we were a little tired.
I woke up this morning feeling so good that all I wanted to do was crack a beer. I wasn't sure what every one would think, so I didn't crack one until 5 or so. Turns out that everyone would've been quite proud of me, so next time I'll just crack one.
We ended up at double K's where there was a bridal party. Needless to say, we brought that much more of a party for those ladies. There was a DJ, so we had to dance and party the night away. We then wandered over to the silver dollar where the four of us were the only patrons in the bar. They had a band and we some how talked the band into another set, because we were here for the band...well, maybe not. The band was really good though. We never got the name of the band, but they bassist reminded us of ZZTop.
Our last bar of the night was the pour house, although it was also our first bar of the night. We ended up playing pool where I won both games, though I shouldn't have had. That's what happens when the other team scratches on the 8 ball and get the 8 ball in too early. Pat was pissed. He did both of those ^_^. Jay had to talk to him to make sure he was OK. Apparently he's not very good at losing. Sometimes its a wonder what those boys will do.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. About me and my life. What I want to do with my life and how I should start to change my life. Like I've said before, that I'm living for me, but I think that I need to change that slightly. I keep telling myself that I'm going to be leaving Marshall soonish (December, if I've got everything planned out right) so I can't tie myself down. I've been lying to me when it comes to that. I think that I'm just scared that what happened to me before will happen to me again. I know it is a long shot, but it is still hard to dismiss. My ex mentally abused me. I was never good enough and no matter what I did, his plan for me was what i was allowed to do. The best thing I ever did for me what go to college. It was there that I realized that there was better for me out there, and left him. The hardest part of that, was that my family really liked him, so I was to blame at first. The my parents started to find out what he was like and they finally understood why I left. I keep saying no to people because I really am that scared to end up in a position that I was in before.
Sitting here in Wisconsin, I've a lot of time to think about me and where I am at. I know that I can't plan everything out, but I can at least try to think about what i should change. So, as i sit here, I think I know my first step on to changing my life. But I still don't know if I can let my walls down just yet. Maybe I'll finally just give up on those walls and just let what ever come, come.
-Amanda
I woke up this morning feeling so good that all I wanted to do was crack a beer. I wasn't sure what every one would think, so I didn't crack one until 5 or so. Turns out that everyone would've been quite proud of me, so next time I'll just crack one.
We ended up at double K's where there was a bridal party. Needless to say, we brought that much more of a party for those ladies. There was a DJ, so we had to dance and party the night away. We then wandered over to the silver dollar where the four of us were the only patrons in the bar. They had a band and we some how talked the band into another set, because we were here for the band...well, maybe not. The band was really good though. We never got the name of the band, but they bassist reminded us of ZZTop.
Our last bar of the night was the pour house, although it was also our first bar of the night. We ended up playing pool where I won both games, though I shouldn't have had. That's what happens when the other team scratches on the 8 ball and get the 8 ball in too early. Pat was pissed. He did both of those ^_^. Jay had to talk to him to make sure he was OK. Apparently he's not very good at losing. Sometimes its a wonder what those boys will do.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. About me and my life. What I want to do with my life and how I should start to change my life. Like I've said before, that I'm living for me, but I think that I need to change that slightly. I keep telling myself that I'm going to be leaving Marshall soonish (December, if I've got everything planned out right) so I can't tie myself down. I've been lying to me when it comes to that. I think that I'm just scared that what happened to me before will happen to me again. I know it is a long shot, but it is still hard to dismiss. My ex mentally abused me. I was never good enough and no matter what I did, his plan for me was what i was allowed to do. The best thing I ever did for me what go to college. It was there that I realized that there was better for me out there, and left him. The hardest part of that, was that my family really liked him, so I was to blame at first. The my parents started to find out what he was like and they finally understood why I left. I keep saying no to people because I really am that scared to end up in a position that I was in before.
Sitting here in Wisconsin, I've a lot of time to think about me and where I am at. I know that I can't plan everything out, but I can at least try to think about what i should change. So, as i sit here, I think I know my first step on to changing my life. But I still don't know if I can let my walls down just yet. Maybe I'll finally just give up on those walls and just let what ever come, come.
-Amanda
Saturday, May 28, 2011
road trip
Here I am in Wisconsin with my best friend Sam and a few other people, one that I just met recently, Alyssa, and one that I've known for about a year now, Pat. We are here because this is where Sam's mom and step dad live. I've always counted them as family and since I only get to see them once a year, I was all about this visit.
Ahh, Wisconsin. Such a nice change from Marshall, Minnesota. Marshall, where the land is flat and full of fields to a change of view to Wisconsin, where the land is hilly, few fields and beautiful scenery. Don't get me wrong, I'm a full fledged Minnesotan, but Wisconsin really is amazing.
I started my memorial weekend going camping with some friends on Lake Shetek at Schriers campsite. That place is gorgeous! Especially when you wander around the park for a while and see what the place all as to offer. The only bad part about it was, was that you are not allowed to bring in your own fire wood (damn you ash borer). So, buying wood was quite expensive. other than that, you get an amazing view of the south/southeast side of the lake.
We did get rained out though. We ended up staying inside the camper and played games. It felt so nice to get out of the real world where everything is all hustle and bustle, and be able to realize what is around you and chill. It is the simple things in life that make everything worth while.
As much as I hated it, I did have to leave them this morning so I could leave for our road trip. We left the micropolis of Marshall around 9 am this morning and arrived in Boscobel Wisconsin around 4pm. Needless to say, we know how to travel and we get there quick. We did have a few pit stops though. I needed to go shopping, we got lunch and the highlight of our stops was that we met up with my dad. My dad is a truck driver and he was bringing some beer back from Pennsylvania. We met him at exit 258 on I-90 and he gave me a case. The look on every one's faces was priceless. I told them that dad was bringing 26 or so cases back and apparently they didn't believe me. They do now ^_^ .
The best thing about being in Boscobel is that it is so relaxed. I've never felt more at home, then when I am here. The family is so chill and we always have a beer in our hands. Yes, I know that sounds bad, but it really isn't. We chill, play games and have a good time. Lots of memories are made here and those memories are why you keep coming back.
Mom and Fish are awesome! The house, now called The Fish Tank, is currently being added on to. It is still under construction, but here we sit in the new addition playing cards and drinkin beers. Good, good times.
Rumor has it that we are going to Madison tomorrow. I really hope that we are. I've got family in Sun Prairie. I guess if we do go, we are going to the bratfest and as it turns out, that is where my family is going too!! That's awesome! A little known fact is that this part of my family is my favorite part of family. It consists of my Uncle Paul, Aunt Jan and Cousins Ryan and Chelsea (sorry Chels if you spell your name differently). Every time I am around them I feel that I am with family. The only down side of that is I only get to see them once or twice a year. I think I should make a goal of it to see them more often, but I don't wanna feel like a burden to them. So I keep to myself.
We've got a big night planned tonight. We are going to hit up the bars downtown and make a night and club of it. Normally I'm really quiet and stay up against the wall by myself, but since I told myself that I'm not going to be that person anymore, I'm gonna go all out. I'm with some real good friends that I am really comfortable with, so I think this is a perfect time for me to try out the new me...I hope.
But with that I must go. My Guinness is getting warm and I'm sure that we are going to head out soon.
Save journeys to everyone out there
-Amanda
Ahh, Wisconsin. Such a nice change from Marshall, Minnesota. Marshall, where the land is flat and full of fields to a change of view to Wisconsin, where the land is hilly, few fields and beautiful scenery. Don't get me wrong, I'm a full fledged Minnesotan, but Wisconsin really is amazing.
I started my memorial weekend going camping with some friends on Lake Shetek at Schriers campsite. That place is gorgeous! Especially when you wander around the park for a while and see what the place all as to offer. The only bad part about it was, was that you are not allowed to bring in your own fire wood (damn you ash borer). So, buying wood was quite expensive. other than that, you get an amazing view of the south/southeast side of the lake.
We did get rained out though. We ended up staying inside the camper and played games. It felt so nice to get out of the real world where everything is all hustle and bustle, and be able to realize what is around you and chill. It is the simple things in life that make everything worth while.
As much as I hated it, I did have to leave them this morning so I could leave for our road trip. We left the micropolis of Marshall around 9 am this morning and arrived in Boscobel Wisconsin around 4pm. Needless to say, we know how to travel and we get there quick. We did have a few pit stops though. I needed to go shopping, we got lunch and the highlight of our stops was that we met up with my dad. My dad is a truck driver and he was bringing some beer back from Pennsylvania. We met him at exit 258 on I-90 and he gave me a case. The look on every one's faces was priceless. I told them that dad was bringing 26 or so cases back and apparently they didn't believe me. They do now ^_^ .
The best thing about being in Boscobel is that it is so relaxed. I've never felt more at home, then when I am here. The family is so chill and we always have a beer in our hands. Yes, I know that sounds bad, but it really isn't. We chill, play games and have a good time. Lots of memories are made here and those memories are why you keep coming back.
Mom and Fish are awesome! The house, now called The Fish Tank, is currently being added on to. It is still under construction, but here we sit in the new addition playing cards and drinkin beers. Good, good times.
Rumor has it that we are going to Madison tomorrow. I really hope that we are. I've got family in Sun Prairie. I guess if we do go, we are going to the bratfest and as it turns out, that is where my family is going too!! That's awesome! A little known fact is that this part of my family is my favorite part of family. It consists of my Uncle Paul, Aunt Jan and Cousins Ryan and Chelsea (sorry Chels if you spell your name differently). Every time I am around them I feel that I am with family. The only down side of that is I only get to see them once or twice a year. I think I should make a goal of it to see them more often, but I don't wanna feel like a burden to them. So I keep to myself.
We've got a big night planned tonight. We are going to hit up the bars downtown and make a night and club of it. Normally I'm really quiet and stay up against the wall by myself, but since I told myself that I'm not going to be that person anymore, I'm gonna go all out. I'm with some real good friends that I am really comfortable with, so I think this is a perfect time for me to try out the new me...I hope.
But with that I must go. My Guinness is getting warm and I'm sure that we are going to head out soon.
Save journeys to everyone out there
-Amanda
Friday, May 27, 2011
first post/long day
Here I am, doing something that I always said that I wouldn't. I'm normally the type of person to keep my mouth shut unless I really feel that I need to speak my mind. I recently watched a video on youtube from the University of Minnesota-Carlton School of Business class of 2011 ( I think that was the college), and they guy who did the commencement speech really stuck a chord in me. It all came down to starting over with a brand new me, getting my voice out there and to not be the "quite me", which for those that know me know that I am anything but quiet. With that said, you have the reason why I decided to start this blog.
Now a little about me. I'm from Minnesota, a college student and I work in the resturaunt business. Sometimes I wonder about why I am still in this business when all I dream about is getting out of it. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do right now, but it's not what I want to do for the rest of my life. I wonder if sometimes that it's not the job that I dislike, but the people that come in. From where I'm at, there's this aura in town. People that were born here and still live here think that they are better than everyone else. No matter what I do, I will never do it well enough. But, these people won't complain to you, they leave little notes or write letters/e-mails to the boss saying how horrible everything was. From being in this business I know what needs to be done. If you don't like something or feel that something should be different, say something. I can't fix whatever it is that I am doing wrong unless I am told. Also, don't judge too quickly. As I said before, I can be quite quiet. I'm not a naturally bubbly person, so I won't act all chipper like others I work with. As I've been told, I am quite good at what I do, but I know I'm not perfect and I am the hardest judge of my self. I don't feel that I will ever be good enough in this line of business.
Ugh, sorry. Just a little venting. That same thing happened to me tonight at work. Mind you that it was my second night bartending and it was pretty busy. It annoyed me that the ladies decided that they shouldn't tell me anything. Yeah, I've been here for 4.5 years, but I'm not perfect and I don't care much for you bitchy little customer. That's right, I said it. Grow a set of balls and tell me what I'm doing wrong. Don't go and bitch to someone else behind my back.
But here I am, thinking about my future and what I want to do with it. I have a degree in environmental science, but this lovely economic time here in the states isn't doing me any good. So I've decided to continue my education. I'm currently working on a math minor and I'm attempting to get into grad school. I've applied to the University of Tennessee-Knoxville for a 2nd bachelors in civil engineering and a masters in environmental engineering. I applied a month ago and I still haven't heard anything. My patience is being tried, and I don't have much of that to begin with. I really hope that I get in. I need a change in my life. I need out. I've been stuck in a place that I haven't wanted to be at for years and I feel that this is the place I need to go. Yeah, I know there is a whole world out there, but I need to take my life one step at a time. I've also taken the step to start living my life for me. I used to be the one that never took time off for myself. I'm overworked and under paid, but aren't we all. Now I take some time, not as much as I still should, but I'm doing better. For my first summer of this new me I'm taking approx 35 days of vacation. The highlight of it all is my trip to Hawaii...by my self. I can't wait.
But on this note, I leave you. It's late and morning will come sooner that I think.
Now a little about me. I'm from Minnesota, a college student and I work in the resturaunt business. Sometimes I wonder about why I am still in this business when all I dream about is getting out of it. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do right now, but it's not what I want to do for the rest of my life. I wonder if sometimes that it's not the job that I dislike, but the people that come in. From where I'm at, there's this aura in town. People that were born here and still live here think that they are better than everyone else. No matter what I do, I will never do it well enough. But, these people won't complain to you, they leave little notes or write letters/e-mails to the boss saying how horrible everything was. From being in this business I know what needs to be done. If you don't like something or feel that something should be different, say something. I can't fix whatever it is that I am doing wrong unless I am told. Also, don't judge too quickly. As I said before, I can be quite quiet. I'm not a naturally bubbly person, so I won't act all chipper like others I work with. As I've been told, I am quite good at what I do, but I know I'm not perfect and I am the hardest judge of my self. I don't feel that I will ever be good enough in this line of business.
Ugh, sorry. Just a little venting. That same thing happened to me tonight at work. Mind you that it was my second night bartending and it was pretty busy. It annoyed me that the ladies decided that they shouldn't tell me anything. Yeah, I've been here for 4.5 years, but I'm not perfect and I don't care much for you bitchy little customer. That's right, I said it. Grow a set of balls and tell me what I'm doing wrong. Don't go and bitch to someone else behind my back.
But here I am, thinking about my future and what I want to do with it. I have a degree in environmental science, but this lovely economic time here in the states isn't doing me any good. So I've decided to continue my education. I'm currently working on a math minor and I'm attempting to get into grad school. I've applied to the University of Tennessee-Knoxville for a 2nd bachelors in civil engineering and a masters in environmental engineering. I applied a month ago and I still haven't heard anything. My patience is being tried, and I don't have much of that to begin with. I really hope that I get in. I need a change in my life. I need out. I've been stuck in a place that I haven't wanted to be at for years and I feel that this is the place I need to go. Yeah, I know there is a whole world out there, but I need to take my life one step at a time. I've also taken the step to start living my life for me. I used to be the one that never took time off for myself. I'm overworked and under paid, but aren't we all. Now I take some time, not as much as I still should, but I'm doing better. For my first summer of this new me I'm taking approx 35 days of vacation. The highlight of it all is my trip to Hawaii...by my self. I can't wait.
But on this note, I leave you. It's late and morning will come sooner that I think.
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